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Dear Meghan…

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

Dear Meghan,

I know it has absolutely nada to do with me, but I’ve been thinking about your wedding.  Thing is, a little more than a month later, I’m getting married, too – can you believe it?! What strange coincidence!

“Oh, God, Meghan, what am I saying? You’re getting married in front of BILLIONS of people… LIVE ON TELLY!”

Listen, no pressure, but WTF are you wearing? I’m totally in the same boat. Well, not exactly – I’m not marrying a prince in front of millions of people. I’m talking about ‘dress drama’.  I have my first dress fitting next week – I bet you’ve been pretty busy with that, too, eh? I know what you’re thinking: ‘Jeez, she’s left it all a bit lastminute.com,’ and you’re right, I totally have. Reason is: we were supposed to get married in November. Big job, slurry speeches, dancing, long tables filled with relatives we barely know, dancing on tables with relatives we barely know, etc etc. But this January, we decided to pull things back a little and get married on a much, much smaller scale. We’ve booked Marylebone registry office on a Friday morning in mid-June. Afterwards, we’re taking 36 people to lunch, which is weird, because a teeny-tiny celebration is not my usual style – it’s just the alternative feels so frightening. Get married in front of a large crowd of people? Yikes. God, no, I’d rather have a huge party next year instead. Oh, God, Meghan, what am I saying? You’re getting married in front of BILLIONS of people… LIVE ON TELLY!

“Anyway, enough gossiping, back to the important stuff: what the hell are you wearing?”

Don’t know about you, but all this wedding stuff is beginning to make me feel really, really weird and even though our wedding won’t be televised live around the globe, the mere thought of walking down an aisle makes me want to break out into a sweat. But at least you have your venue, a big old castle – and for free! Not bad at all! We’ve booked the private dining room at Spring, a restaurant based inside Somerset House. It’s a very pretty, lots of light, but still very, very cosy. Anyway, enough gossiping, back to the important stuff: what the hell are you wearing?

“You’re a total anarchist at heart, dear Meghan, and that’s one of the many reasons why we love you”

Can I guess? A dress made by a British designer? Shall we say, er, Stella McCartney? Eco, leather-free, sustainable – all the stuff I imagine you care about deeply, but are no longer allowed to shout about on social media? Ha! You’re a total anarchist at heart, dear Meghan, and that’s one of the many reasons why we love you. And what about shoes? Hair up, hair down? I plan to wear mine down. No veil. Or maybe a veil. Dammit, hadn’t thought about a bloody veil…

“Speak soon, Megs, stay cool, she says, with a slow rise of panic creeping up from within her Spanx”

I’ll get to the point. In the spirit of being sisterly, and the reason for my note, I thought you might find my edit of ‘cool bride stuff’ below v useful. I know you’re probably sorted at this late stage (unlike me), but who’s to say you can’t change your mind? I’ll be back in touch next week, as am now thinking bridesmaids and pageboys – oh, and wedding bouquets! Feck. This is all getting a bit too wedding-y for my liking. Which reminds me, something else to freak out about: make-up. Speak soon, Megs, stay cool, she says, with a slow rise of panic creeping up from within her Spanx. Argh, wedding Spanx! Feck!

The Totally Made Up Meghan edit

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