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Small, but high drama: meet the Miss Piggy of bags

Gucci Marmont mini quilted camera bag. Photo: I took it myself on my kitchen floor.

I was up for auction at a charity fundraiser last year and someone paid a lot of money for me. No, I wasn’t expected to go home with them, live in their basement, cook all their meals and look after their brood – they bid on me to take them shopping. It’s quite nerve-racking being sold off in front of a room full of strangers.

“Clutch bags and champagne do not mix”

I went for around £3,000, which isn’t too shabby, and so, feeling giddy, when it was all over, I decided it was only right to drag fellow attendees to a nightclub to go dancing (bear with me, I’m getting to the point). As we left the fundraiser in our black-tie finery, everyone flapping around, gathering bags and fancy coats, I stood there, watching the kerfuffle unfold. Bloody clutch bags – they’re an absolute nightmare to locate! And that’s exactly why, when it comes to a night out, I always carry a bag with long handles and wear it across my body. Clutch bags and champagne do not mix. Repeat: clutch bags and champagne do not mix.

“With a small bag hanging by my hip, there’s no need to get on all fours and crawl beneath a table just to find my bag”

I throw my beloved Gucci GG Marmont mini camera bag – in a neutral colour that’s more pink than nude – across my body and go, every single day. It’s the one bag I own that goes with absolutely everything. Denim, floral dresses, anything black, khaki, white – you name it, it won’t clash. Small bags are big news right now in fashion land, which is great if you’re very good at editing your belongings. Personally, if I carry a small bag during the day, I always end up lugging a bigger tote to carry my computer, diary, anything remotely useful. But when it comes to evening, well, that’s an entirely different situation. With a small bag hanging by my hip, there’s no need to get on all fours and crawl beneath a table just to find my bag. As for hitting the dancefloor in an exuberant fashion, that’s what small bags were made for.

PS Now I ‘need’ it in green (see below for details)…

The Miss Piggy Bag Edit